Part 50: Ducken Dance

_{Part 50}

Big training montage [Jul 26th, 1012|8:58 am]

[Current Mood| sweaty]
[Current Music|Bob Dylan - Me So Horny]


The past few months have been really quiet. No battles, no crazy explorers, no Colt persterings. Just me and my Ducken, training like the badass mo'fos we are.

HEY LOONGEAR!

Gah! I thought you died.

We got an errantry coupon.



Only if you never give me that look again.

I like it. It makes me feel sly.

It's creepy, Colt.

You're creepy!

And then she ran off to her room, crying. Guess I may as well send Ducken off to improve his mind.



How much is "some", anyway?

You know those "Scratch and Win" lottery tickets? You know how they make it look like you are going to win $10,000, but you end up with only a dollar?

Yeah?

That is your monster's chance.



Our first course on the intelligence course has your monster race against a monkey. It used to be an essay question, until we discovered that monsters can not hold pencils.




Your monster managed to outrun a small monkey, and make a very rude display of himself in the process.



The Ducken's gestures seemed to have sparked some inspiration, teaching him how to dance.



Course the second has your monster test his wits by jumping far.




Really far.




To my surprise, he made the leap. There is some intelligence hiding in those vacant eyes.



For our third trial, your monster must figure out how to climb his way out of this steep cavern.



Once more, jumping seems to be the way to solve this...



However, your Ducken misstepped.



...Quite badly, I might add.




Cave-in aside, "Whatthef" managed to climb his way out.



And the last course, as I'm sure you would remember, has your monster challenge our gorilla in a game of hide and seek.



Koko, the only one of our training animals that has yet to be murdered by one of your monsters, seemed to be out for blood.



I can understand her rage, though. If monsters continued to force analingus upon me, I too would be filled with bloodlust.



Oh dear, it looks as though she caught your Ducken.




Said Ducken can be found folded up within this letter. A service charge for the folding has been added to your bill.



$29.95?! To stuff a duck into an envelope?! Oh, they had better be glad Ducken learned a new dance or I would shoot that place up so hard. Come on, Ducken, let's throw rocks at birds until I feel better.




That's some good throwin', Ducken.





I'm not really sure what happened there, but I think Ducken hypnotized Colt's dumbass toucan. Speaking of which, guess who came tugging at my jacket one morning.

LOONGEARLOONGEARLOONGEAROHGODOHGODOHGODLOOKATTHISLOOKLOOK!

What! What in God's name is wrong with you this time?!

Just look at this!



The what?

The Quadannual IMA/FIMBA tournament of champions! Every few years, IMA and FIMBA choose a couple of their top trainers to compete against each other. This is a huge honor! We get to represent our nation in monster battle! We have to get ready!

Okay shut up for a minute.



Good. So. This is kind of like the Olympics, except with monsters beating each other up?

Yes! And we get to be the ones doing it!



Let what? The invitation?

Yes! It's so precious. Look at that gold leaf!



I told her the tree moved to distract her, then ran back to my room to think. I don't think I can refuse something like this. It is a huge honor. And I've never met anyone from FIMBA before. I bet they're nice people.



The only thing left to decide is what I do until the big day...